Mind 2

There's no-one left who can save me. People who I love constantly profess their hate for me.
Every day it's getting worse. All I have is my work. I cannot trust in the lies of everyone else. They're all lying to me.
I live in a prison where each day I am tortured by the ones who keep me here. There's nothing I can do, and nobody who can fix it. Whatever I say, I'm going to die.
A long time ago, I felt that being ostracised from a group was one of the greatest pains.
Not so long ago, I felt once again a similar feeling. Although this time I was less invested in some ways, and more in others.
And now I'm just trapped. Is this better? Do I want to be tortured here?
I promised I would hurt myself to get the work done. I may have delivered on that promise somewhat so far, but never to the scope of what I originally intended when I made that promise.

I'm lying too. I'm lying to everyone with this show. Why not put on a real one? Does the money ever come?


2 months!?

Hey. This post is coming out a day early 'cause it's officially the end of month number 2!

So what did we get done this month?

-mostly finished the title screen
-new character sprites (maybe?)
-numerous improvements to my script system
-somewhat functional saving/loading
-fully functional inventory system
-a little bit of music

Mostly I've been working on music this month, though little of it has been for Alight. While it's true that I have already written 20 candidate pieces for the game, not all of them are guaranteed to be finished or have appropriate uses down the line.
What I'd really like to get done soon is more artwork. Lack of artwork will restrict the creation of further areas.

Thanks once again,


Artwork & Reliability

You know what sucks? Having to make artwork. Placeholders really won't do for working out a lot of the finer points in a videogame. Especially when it comes to things like frame count/speed.
I've been trying not to bug my artist friend too much, because I've already lost enough talented people by doing that. (One, by the way)
When working with someone on a casual project (casual as in nobody's getting paid, there's no publisher or corporate deadline) it's always a good idea to have a backup plan.
If you have a musician, make sure they're using a style you/someone else can replicate, or have all music remade from scratch.
If you have a programmer, make sure they're documenting their code so that you or some other programmer can pick up where they left off if necessary.
And if you have an artist, be ready to replace them/their artwork if they leave.

So of course I'd been trying to prepare in case Raymundo quit on me. (And I mean, he's fairly busy anyway regardless of him quitting or not.) I'd only planned for him to do the character artwork, because I can do environments alright. But this means he would probably be making every foe in the game, and that's a lot to ask when you can basically guarantee nothing in return.
My one or two attempts so far to try and make the game's character really scared me off trying it, but I wanted the freedom, so I tried again today. Here's what the progression of the sprite looked like:

I'm actually very happy with the end result. If I could animate this and use it as a design template for the other characters, I think I could honestly see this being the final design, instead of the current one. But it all depends on what Ray does, and how well I can make this thing move.
Interestingly it's basically a median between Jasper and Ray's artstyle. (Since I took inspiration from both)

Going back to my earlier topic...
If you're going to make enemies with the members of your own dev. team, for God's sake: Do it early on. The collateral damage is so much easier to cope with that way. You do NOT want to be %50 done before the programmer says "fuck this shit" and you're left with a bucket of spaghetti and a buggy game. Do you wanna let that happen? No way Jose! That's why I like working on my own. Group projects are fun, but they need to end really quickly. I was pretty comfortable coordinating one for two weeks, but if something goes wrong beyond that point things can start getting pretttty hairy. Problems even a month into development can completely rock the foundations of a project.

Thanks for reading once again.



I think each day I'm getting worse and worse. I need and rely more and more on things I no longer enjoy and wish to be apart from. I know many of the things that I want, but many of those ends do not justify their means.
All I do is obsess and obsess. It's all I've ever done. I obsess until my obsession dries up, and then I'm left feeling hollow inside until I can find something else to obsess about.
I feel guilt. I feel guilt about all the things that I do and that I feel, however little I can control them.
I feel scared. I don't know what I'm going to do next. Everything is uncertain, and I'm not up to trying hard enough to get the things I want anymore. I can't ask the people the things I need to know from them because if I do I'll lose this game I'm playing. If they know how I feel about them everything will change. People will never trust me if they know my delusions. But I can't live without them anymore.
If I try just saying things they come out so bluntly, but if I don't I won't say anything at all. Is it better to be obnoxious or invisible?
My heart hurts all the time, and it'll never sit still. I can't move without needing to stop and take a breath. Particularly in these circumstances today, the _nd.
I need someone who can stop me. I need someone who has power over me that can hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay. I need someone who can stop my heart for me.