Mind

I think each day I'm getting worse and worse. I need and rely more and more on things I no longer enjoy and wish to be apart from. I know many of the things that I want, but many of those ends do not justify their means.
All I do is obsess and obsess. It's all I've ever done. I obsess until my obsession dries up, and then I'm left feeling hollow inside until I can find something else to obsess about.
I feel guilt. I feel guilt about all the things that I do and that I feel, however little I can control them.
I feel scared. I don't know what I'm going to do next. Everything is uncertain, and I'm not up to trying hard enough to get the things I want anymore. I can't ask the people the things I need to know from them because if I do I'll lose this game I'm playing. If they know how I feel about them everything will change. People will never trust me if they know my delusions. But I can't live without them anymore.
If I try just saying things they come out so bluntly, but if I don't I won't say anything at all. Is it better to be obnoxious or invisible?
My heart hurts all the time, and it'll never sit still. I can't move without needing to stop and take a breath. Particularly in these circumstances today, the _nd.
I need someone who can stop me. I need someone who has power over me that can hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay. I need someone who can stop my heart for me.